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'Roid Rage on Japan's beaches?

This first thing I noticed while strolling down the beach this year was the amount of fit Japanese men. In the past, the only muscles you saw were those of foreign military men. They were usually too inept to pick up Japanese women due to their youth and complete lack of Japanese language ability.

Now, on any given day at Shonan, dozens of men with six packs and bulging biceps will be cruising up and down the beach, taking selfies with whoever asks, basking in the admiration. They seem to live for the weekends of July and August when they can strut around shirtless.

My new friend Ito (35), is a natural bodybuilder / powerlifter. He is also a regular beach-goer since 2001,  and he filled me in on the hot scoop.

Shonan's pocket-sized Hercules sure have gotten more buff the past couple of years... very suspicious it is.

I've seen a lot of really buff Japanese guys on the beach this year. What's going on?

" Do not take their photos! Their egos are too big as it is. I'll send you one. These dipshits in Mori's bodybuilding club are full of shit, Prince, that's what's going on. These punks even can't mention the word steroids. They're all on gear, they'll never fess up though. It would cut down on the 'all-natural' bullshit fake natties use to perpetuate the myths of their superior genetics.

They spend more time at the tanning salon than they do in the squat cage! And, Prince, these dudes are also are responsible for demonizing steroid use in Japan in the first place!"

You're looking good this year. What's your  workout routine like these days?

Thanks Prince! For a 100% natural I'm an overall good package, chest, shoulders, biceps, lats, traps and calves are great, but my weak points are triceps and forearms.I'd say my upper body is only now in proportion with my legs. If I was to hazard a guess as to why it'd be because I have crazy full quad insertions and extremely low calves with very thick joints. Fingers crossed I don't have daughters- if I do they'll be on the Olympic wrestling team!

I'm naturally pretty hairless. I've got a big thick, natural bush though. Looks like a troll doll's hair. I don't groom it at all. I believe natural bodybuilders should be ALL natural. Mori's guys are always plucking and shaving each other in the sauna at Gold's- pathetic!

I've had fags in the locker room tell me they'd like to scrub their face with my pubic hair. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Everything else is pretty average, if not just so so, my chest took years to grow, biceps are short with no peak, abs are slightly asymmetrical and quite narrow.

That said you can find aesthetic examples of people with the same flaws so I don't over think it. I've never had a body issue because I compare myself with the average Japanese guy, not the average meathead at my gym taking steroids.”

Takagi and Ito are all natural bodybuilders and proud of it.

So you don't care much for Mori and his friends over there?

" Please! I'd shove a dozen protein bars up Mori's hairless ass- sans lubrication- if he was here alone, and he knows it! Son of a bitch never comes to the beach alone. These guys are fake naturals- and it's an issue worth pointing out, where I absolutely work out just as hard as them. I think it hits to the heart of the single biggest problem in the Japanese fitness industry.

If we could liberate the industry from fake natural faggots and profiteering on the basis of it, more good useful knowledge would be propagated, less honest guys would be scammed for worthless bodybuilding products, and our self image would overall improve."

These day tripping gals from rural Chiba are thrilled after taking dozens of selfies with Mori and his friends. They didn't notice Ito and I chatting nearby.

You really hate him, huh?

"Last year at Gold's, Mori comes up and takes a 5 kilo plate off my bar and puts it on his bar. I just look at him like I'm gonna snap his vascular neck. So I go and take it off his bar before he sets up and put it back on mine while he's on his phone, he's always fucking with his phone. If he's not looking at his phone he's looking at himself in the mirror...Faggot.

Later, I see that prick squatting the same weight he benched. Bro, it's a squat. Add some weight.

And then I notice he didn't even re-rack his bench weights! Fucking gym enemy identified!"

Maybe these guys are suffering from narcissistic personality disorder. You should be more understanding.

"Fuck'em ! I'll tell ya, these rich kids are full of hot air and use too much hair gel- that's why they won't go near the water here. I'll wear a fucking rag or towel on my head all day long. I don't care about that pretty boy shit. Peter North gets less upset if you touch his hair than those guys."

Ito's buddies are always horsing around and getting pumped at the same time. Natural bodybuilders and power lifter type guys don't have sexy ladies asking to take selfies with them.

You have to admit that they look pretty good.

(Getting red in the face and angry) "I don't have to admit shit! These idiots dehydrate themselves for like 10 hours before they come down to the beach. And, with these temperatures?  They might have a pulmonary embolism or something.They're nuts! I'll kick any of their phony asses from here to the Omotesando Gold's Gym. Leave me alone now, Prince. Your questions are really starting to annoy me."

" You can crack a dozen walnuts in my ass crack. I'll kick Mori's crew's waxed asses and have time for a steak dinner"

I left Ito and his natural friends alone and thought I'd hook up with them later after they had a few more drinks. I thought that the hot sun, alcohol and jealousy were a bad combination. I hoped he would be OK. His fiery Asian temper had gotten him in hot water on other occasions.

This young tart drank herself into a stupor after comparing her pencil necked BF to the guys in Mori's crew.

I made another new friend on the beach after Ito dismissed me.

Akio "Aki" Koyama, (53). Aki is well known on the beach for his skimpy swimwear and his large, constantly erect penis.

Some true naturals, like Akio, on the beach don't need traditional muscles to catch the ladies eyes.

What's your deal? You quite well known on the beach as being a creep who always walks around with an erection.

"Years ago, when I first saw these musclemen together in front of the gym near my university, I was shocked. I immediately began comparing my body to theirs. Their pecs were swole and juicy, their asses were a miracle of youth: bite-able like apples. I felt doughy and pasty compared to them. Myself and many other men on the beach tried to figure out what we could do to be more like them. I needed to fix something in myself, and then I would be OK."

So, you started working out?
Oh lord no! I just decided to emphasize the gift the gods gave me. My uncut, vein engorged penis. Nobody knows what I'm packing for most of the year, but summers I can go to the beaches and pools and show it off.  I'm what you would call a 'shower', I don't grow much at all except for some swelling on my glans. Some people here come up to me and ask if I took a Viagra or Cialis- 'nope, it's just the way I am'. One of these days a size queen, who doesn't mind an older man will chat me up. One of these days...

Are you married?

Not really.  Legally I am.  While I'm a very warm man- I'm unemotional. My relationship with my wife is just a partnership based on a shared harmony. Sexless since our honeymoon in Hawaii in 1983.  As you can see, I'm too thick for her down there. My marriage has been a painfully shitty existence for many years.

Sadly, Shonan's lady guests seem to prefer the chemically enhanced muscles above all else.  Sexy 24 year old office workers, Aika and Tsubasa, don't have time for natural bodybuilders and weak, well endowed men.

" We like tough guys. Tough guys with big pecs. Who cares how they got them?"

The night didn't end well. My beach friend Ito had a few too many drinks, and then got fresh with some of Mori's friends at the Malibu Beach Bar. Ito was on the receiving end of a knuckle sandwich and needed to be taken to the hospital overnight with a concussion and a broken jaw. We never got to say goodbye for the summer.

Ito couldn't speak when I called the following night, due to his jaw being wired shut.

Neither Mori or any members of his posse agreed to be interviewed for this article.

8:15 PM. Ito got knocked the fuck out by one of Mori's goons for speaking out of turn.


The Hairy White Prince

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